Sharons Muckle Nice Test Post - Granta Magazine

Sharons Muckle Nice Test Post

Caroline Crampton

Translated by Colin Grant

The following is an excerpt from Sharons Muckle Nice Test Post: God help us, we’re in the hands of engineers. Hey, you know how I’m, like, always trying to save the planet? Here’s my chance. I gave it a cold? I gave it a virus. A computer virus. You’re a very talented young man, with your own clever thoughts and ideas. Do you need a manager?

God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs. You really think you can fly that thing? You really think you can fly that thing? Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend. Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Jaguar shark! So tell me – does it really exist? What do they got in there? King Kong? They’re using our own satellites against us. And the clock is ticking. Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Hey, take a look at the earthlings. Goodbye! Jaguar shark! So tell me – does it really exist? Yeah, but John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists. You’re a very talented young man, with your own clever thoughts and ideas. Do you need a manager?

God help us, we’re in the hands of engineers. Hey, you know how I’m, like, always trying to save the planet? Here’s my chance. I gave it a cold? I gave it a virus. A computer virus. I gave it a cold? I gave it a virus. A computer virus. You’re a very talented young man, with your own clever thoughts and ideas. Do you need a manager?

You know what? It is beets. I’ve crashed into a beet truck. Yeah, but John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists. Yeah, but John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists.

Caroline Crampton

Caroline Crampton is a writer and editor who contributes regularly to the Guardian, the Mail on Sunday and the New Humanist. She has appeared as a broadcaster on Newsnight, Sky News and BBC Radio 4.

More about the author →

Translated by Colin Grant

Colin Grant is a BBC radio producer and an independent historian. His books include Bageye at the Wheel which was shortlisted for the PEN/Ackerley Prize. He has written for the Guardian, Independent, GQ and Granta. His latest book, A Smell of Burning, is a cultural history of epilepsy which will be published next year.

More about the translator →